FUNdamentalism FUQ

The FUNdamentalist Path


(Frequently Unasked Questions)

Swami Beyondananda, whose favorite yoga pose is tongue-in-cheek, says: “We’ve got plenty of religions, and – well, I tell you, it’s a dogma-eat-dogma world out there. So maybe now what we need is a new non-religion, strictly non-dominational. So here it is: FUNdamentalism, with the accent on “fun.”

Q. Why FUNdamentalism?

A. Two reasons. First, a shocking statistic: Four out of five Americans endure the discomfort of irregular-hilarity, due to infrequent laughing. One in five suffer from painful humorrhoids – an enlargement of the onus, where you feel so much responsibility that the only thing you are ever able to pass is heavy judgments. Both of these conditions are preventable! Just one epigram of humor (about the same amount found in one of Swami’s laughsitives) can heal up to a megahurt of emotional pain!

Secondly, most religion is not funny, at least not intentionally. Despite having “fun” as a fundamental part of their name, most religious fundamentalists don’t seem to be having much fun at all. FUNdamentalism puts the emPHAsis on the other sylLABle, so that the “fun” always comes before the “mental.”

Q. What do FUNdamentalists believe?

A. We are a non-religious non-belief system. Instead of dogmatic beliefs, we have funny feelings. We begin with the basic funny feeling that life is a joke, and God is laughing with us, not at us, that the Creator is watching the comedy channel and we are what’s on.

Q. Do FUNdamentalists follow the Ten Commandments?

A. At a time when so many in the so-called “civilized world” are suffering from various complexes, we are committed to simplicity. So, instead of Ten Commandments, we offer One Suggestion: “Let’s go for heaven on earth, just for the hell of it!”

Q. What do FUNdamentalists take seriously?

A. Our slogan is, take humor seriously, and seriousness humorously. We believe the world is in serious condition because of our conditioning to be serious.

Q. How does FUNdamentalism help with the upliftment of humankind?

A. In order to uplift humankind – not to mention human kindness – the first step is to uplift your own face. After all, how do you expect to uplift others while you yourself are down in the mouth? So, FUNdamentalists believe that we activate the laugh force by attuning in to the levitational pull – that uplifts the corners of our mouth in a smile. Science now tells us that we don’t smile because we are happy, we are happy because we smile. Just be curling our mouths upward in a smile we literally lift our spirits because our body thinks we’re happy – and produces feel good hormones. As the FUNdamentalist scriptures tell us, levity is the best way to rise above whatever is bringing us down.

Q. What is a FUNdamentalist service like?

A. Funny you should ask. You can hear one right here featuring the Reverend Barber Q. Dribbs and guest speaker Swami Beyondananda.

Q. What exactly is Nonjudgment Day? How will we know when it arrives?

A. When enough humans choose to laugh rather than criticize, we will have the uncritical mass needed for Nonjudgment Day. On Nonjudgment Day, everyone everywhere will lay down their arms. Now we will look funny with our arms on the ground and our butts sticking up in the air, but the truth is you cannot attack anyone in that position. (Unless, of course you are on he vegan diet and are adept at gastral projection.) A sure sign of Nonjudgment Day is the United Nations beginning their sessions with the Hokey Pokey. Imagine … the Israelis and the Palestinians … they put their whole selves in – that is commitment. They pull their whole selves out – that is detachment. They turn themselves around – that is transformation … and THAT’S what it’s all about!

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